"Now I'm Always, Smiling" :D

So I have to be honest. Its kind of ironic because being honest is what I usually do. But I have to come out and just be as honest as possible on this one.

You see as of recently I have begun to notice a pattern within my life. Its weird because I didn't really notice it in high school, or maybe I did, I'm not sure, but anyway. I've begun to notice a dangerous pattern in my life that is really self destructive.

I always seem to have this deep seated anger and sadness within my soul, that no matter what I do or have tried to do, never seems to go away. The pattern begins with this, maybe its more like a cycle. Anyway though, I will start off feeling depressed, I start hurting for what literally seems like no reason at all. It just gets heavier and heavier untill it starts to transform into this rage that is uncontrolable and violent, which of course translates into the most dangerous aspect of the cycle which is apathy toward everything in life to include God, morality, love, people, and of course good and evil.

Its weird because I realized that I was aware of this depressoin in high school, but in looking back on it and the events in my life that were going on at the time. It just usually manifested itself as just being really really bummed. Of course, now being that I'm a soldier and I've learned to be a hard ass and to be aggressive. It gets really dangerous because that "bummed" becomes rage and violence. It is in these moments of my life when I am the most dangerous, and it is within these moments that my inner sociopath comes out. It is in these moments when I would punch you in the face, call your mom every name in the book, and smile right in your face, because your existance is not important to me.

"Now I'm always smiling:D"