So my life lately is becoming more and more complicated. I mean, here is a "picture" if you will, of what my life is going to be like in the next 5 months....1. Getting married 1 August
2. Getting promoted to SGT hopefully
3. Moving to another base
4. Training for a Triathalon
I mean, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS! I'm so lost about everything and my spiritual life just seems to be spiraling out of control. I can't think of the last time that I picked up my bible and actually "heard" the voice of God speak to me. Its a strange conundrum because although I don't want to hear what God has to say, my soul is dying without it. I mean, I'm just so frustrated about everything and to make it even crazier. THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON!!!!
Yet in the midst of all this, I feel God calling to me to change. To stop living the way that I am living and start living right. I mean, this calling process has taken what seems like years of God standing in the desert shouting my name and me not caring enough to listen. I think I'm just going through some kind of purging process. I mean, maybe God is just beating my soul into submission, between feeling crappy and spinning out of control, to getting down right depressed when ever I hear a praise song. I'm not sure what is going on, but I know that the man I am now is going to have to change if any of my top 5 are going to happen, especially the first one.
I can't be the man I am now, and be married. Its so HUGE of an establishment marriage is. I can't fathom being responsible for the life of another person, to be absolutly obsessed almost with there well being and life. Not that we should get obsessed about it, but you know what I mean.
I'm just lost without God.....and I don't know what to do without Him....
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